Coaching Conversations in 2024

Volume One: Mastering Self-Awareness and Feedback: Transforming Workplace Engagement and Productivity

Subscriber Episode • • Tim Hagen

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Do you find it challenging to accept and utilize feedback, whether positive or negative? Discover how self-awareness plays a crucial role in our ability to handle feedback constructively and overcome our resistance to it. We'll also discuss how our traditional education system falls short in teaching us how to professionally and thoughtfully seek and accept feedback, and the impact of the Gallup Organization's 8 to 1 ratio of positive feedback to constructive feedback.

Join us as we explore effective feedback techniques, emphasizing the use of "perception" when providing constructive feedback, and the need for self-awareness in employees to properly receive and apply it. Learn how creating an environment of appreciation and motivation can lead to increased engagement in the workplace and help your team become more self-aware and receptive to feedback. Don't miss out on these valuable insights that can transform the way you and your team approach feedback and foster a more productive work atmosphere.

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Speaker 1:

When it comes to feedback. Think about feedback right away. Do you go to a positive mindset or do you go to a negative mindset? Do you go to an uh-oh, i'm getting feedback mindset? Feedback is tough. So we have to ask ourselves where does this resistance to feedback come from? Now, think about kids, think about them growing up and think about let's be candid maybe parents interfering, going to teachers, going to coaches and complaining. What are they really saying? What they're teaching their kid is what? It's not you, it's the coach, it's the teacher. You don't have to look in the mirror.

Speaker 1:

See, i think at the forefront, at the foundation of feedback, is our ability to be self-aware. And when you think about coaching and we've defined this for over 30 years coaching is a two-step process. One, it's getting someone to look in the mirror too, it's getting someone to take action. And number one, yet very few people do number one on their own. Now let's also think about our traditional education system Junior high school, maybe two years high school, four years, college, maybe four to six years, depending on the degree. So anywhere from eight to 10, maybe 12 years. Do kids, young adults, take courses, semester-long courses on how to seek and accept feedback professionally and thoughtfully? Now, every time I've asked that question, the answer is no. So what's happened is we've created this misalignment with expectations. So when someone comes into the workforce, of course they're gonna get feedback. So we have to go to the fundamentals Now. The fundamentals are critical.

Speaker 1:

The fundamental thing is, when you think about feedback, most of us will gravitate to constructive feedback. Most of us don't go to an immediate mindset of, oh good, positive feedback. So think about this for a second. When someone gets called into the office in the corporate world and the boss says I need to see you right away, what's the employee's first response? It's usually uh-oh, what did I do wrong? Here is the funny thing about that We have conditioned that behavior. We've conditioned people to tune us out as leaders. I often crack the joke when you see your employee nodding. Do you think they agree? They're nodding off. They can't wait for you to stop. So what happens is the following People do not have a positive relationship with feedback.

Speaker 1:

So let's look at where resistance comes from First. We have a misunderstanding with feedback. See, a lot of times people will agree or dismiss feedback, or I should say, accept or dismiss feedback based on agreement. So if a boss gives an employee feedback, the employee sometimes will do what Either agree or disagree with it, and then either accept it or not accept it. See, the goal of feedback is never agreement.

Speaker 1:

See, the goal of feedback isn't just to give feedback, it's to give it so someone strategically utilizes it. At the forefront of that and this is where resistance comes from is understanding that feedback is also about perception, it's not about intent. Now, I share this a lot, especially when we work with clients. You know people are very emotional listeners. When you get constructive feedback and it's something you disagree with, or maybe you feel like the feedback is coming from a place where maybe somebody misunderstands you, what do we do? Do we calm down or do we get emotional? We typically get emotional. We are emotional listeners. So our resistance comes from history, our school systems, our lack of understanding of where we're at feedback comes from. Now I'll share this with you People who give feedback, especially constructive feedback, they don't want to give it.

Speaker 1:

They'd rather everybody was performing at their top level than they would have to give it. It's also important that we give people who provide feedback latitude. Latitude is important. See, the goal of feedback and the listening to feedback isn't agreement or disagreement. It's to gain perspective. So if I provide you feedback and for whatever reason, whether I deliver this correctly or not and I come up to you and say you know you really have an opportunity to insert yourself positively with the rest of the team, your first reaction might be I'm very positive. And if you rebuttal or you push back, guess what happens? We leave the world of feedback, we leave the world of coach and we enter the world of argument. So what if somebody got that feedback and it gave you perspective, where maybe people misunderstand you? And let's say that you're really a helpful person, yet somebody says, oh, here, she just thinks they know everything, don't? we often get misunderstood by other people, and so when you try to help, someone might miscategorize you or misunderstand you to be a know-it-all. That's where feedback can give you perspective. So what we have to do is nurture a different relationship with feedback.

Speaker 1:

Now let's talk about feedback statistics. Now, this is a little bit of a stretch, yet I want to share this with you. Think about the ratio of 8 to 1. The Gallup Organization reports people engage 8 times more when we lead with the things they do well, their strengths. So what we have to do when we're leaders if you happen to be a leader is provide that feedback. Call people into the office for the good stuff. Now we here at our company subscribe to a 3 to 1 ratio. So that 3 to 1 ratio is we encourage you to make a list of all of your employees and put tally marks One column for strength, one column for constructive feedback so you can coach yourself, so you can really understand your own mindset. So here's the funny thing about feedback. We are very triggered by what needs to be corrected or what's wrong. We have to fix what people are doing wrong, and there's nothing wrong with that. Yet alone, constructive feedback has never really inspired or motivated anybody by itself. Now if you call people into the office for the good stuff, much to the Gallup statistic, 8 to 1 people will engage 8 times more when we lead with what they do well.

Speaker 1:

Number two great study done at Harvard and I cite this all the time is a study called the progress principle. It's also a book by a woman, teresa Amable, at Harvard University, and she reported people were at their most motivated state when they were progressing and improving in their job. That's why you call people into the office for the good stuff Almost 8 out of 10 people. Now think about that for a second. If we always think about, uh-oh, what did I do wrong when somebody calls us into the office? What did I do wrong when somebody calls us into the office, those actions really undermine some very fundamental statistics that can serve you well when it comes to feedback. Number three 10% versus 95%.

Speaker 1:

Tasha Europe talks about When you think about self-awareness, the ability to be honest and really look in the mirror. In her study, 95 percent of the people said yes in the survey. I'm highly self-aware. When she tested them, she found out only about 10 percent were. So think of these statistics. If we lead with strengths, people engage eight times more. If we focus on what people are doing well and where they're progressing, almost eight out of 10 people are at their most motivated state. Then, when we give constructive feedback, if we can get people to really look in the mirror, we can alter those statistics, because almost 8.5 out of every 10 employees are significantly lacking self-awareness. So it begs the question what do we do?

Speaker 1:

Number one call people into the office for the good stuff. Number two put a positive note on their desk. Number three if you really want to have fun. Call them into the office and have your boss there And only praise them. Now you might be thinking well, wait a minute. Does this mean we don't give constructive feedback? Of course not. Constructive feedback should be given. Yet if the goal of feedback is to give it to someone accepts it, receives it and strategically utilizes it, what happens when we call people into the office for the good stuff? We put a note on their desk, we call them in and our boss is there and they usually freak out And you only praise them. They become more accepting of the other side of the coin, the constructive feedback. So again, feedback is a very loaded thing for people.

Speaker 1:

Number one call people into the office for the good stuff, Get engagement up, understand your providing perspective. So, when providing feedback, feel comfortable saying John, would you mind if I shared with you a little bit of a perception? I would love to have a discussion Now. Notice, i inserted the word perception. My advice, strong advice stay away from the word feedback. Feedback triggers uh-oh, what did I do wrong? It puts people in a defensive posture. So when you use the word perception, now you have a conversation going. They're a little bit calmer to have the conversation.

Speaker 1:

So again in our intro lesson, it comes from a lot of places. Remember that eight to one ratio of engagement. By the Gallup organization, 76% of people are at their most motivated state when they're progressing And 8.5, 85% of people significantly lack self-awareness. So constructive feedback alone is really a method of madness, because we can't sit there and say you're doing a terrible job and have someone say you know what? I think you're right And, by the way, my attitude is terrible. So what we have to do is be honest with ourselves that the goal is to crack that door open, to open their door, open their minds to changing their relationship with feedback.