Have you ever witnessed the swift deterioration of a conversation over feedback? This episode is your key to unlocking the vault of emotional intelligence, ensuring that your next constructive critique doesn't just bounce off the walls but actually sticks. Our expert guest peels back the layers of our emotional responses to show us that when we communicate, especially in leadership, it's not just about the message but about the emotional dance of giving and receiving. We dissect the dynamics between two people, be they colleagues or a Democrat and Republican sharing a meal, and dig into the root of why emotions run high and defenses skyrocket during these exchanges.
Our conversation takes a turn into the land of self-awareness and self-regulation, as we tackle strategies to reverse the react-interpret-articulate-reflect pattern that so often leads to the breakdown of productive dialogue. You'll learn a new acronym that might just become your mantra: RIAR, and see how instilling a moment of reflection can transform the feedback process from defensive to developmental. By restructuring the way we approach feedback, our guest demonstrates a powerful technique that not only fosters growth but also equips team members to proactively engage with their weaknesses and goals. If you're looking to revolutionize the way you lead, communicate, and grow your team, this episode is not to be missed.
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Speaker 1:
One of the toughest things that we all go through in the workplace is when we communicate or we get feedback. You know, we often think about strategy and what to say in the tactical. What we don't talk about is how people react, how they interpret, how they perceive. Now, when you think about constructive feedback, think about that just for a second. Think about that in a way that someone really calmly receives constructive feedback and I bet you're scratching your head like, well, no, they don't. And what that does is it prompts us to think about what we need to do. When we communicate, we approach and we receive. When we lead, we approach and we receive. And so when you think about two parties and you think about two people communicating, think about a Democrat and a Republican actually having lunch together. Just the image that just went through your mind. I bet you it's anger, frustration, yelling, screaming, arguing or whatever it might be, but it probably was not. Geez, they're really getting along well and they're really listening to one another's views without trying to persuade the other to join their side of the political sphere. The fact of the matter is, when we communicate, we have to remember we're emotional beings. Now, in the flip side, someone might argue well, geez, we're not robots. No, we're not suggesting to be robots, but there is something that happens when we communicate, and I call it the great storm before emotional intelligence.
Speaker 1:
The major tenets of emotional intelligence are self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation and social skills. The two main ones, in our estimation, are self-awareness looking in the mirror, being honest with yourself and then self-regulation avoiding interruption and disruption of others. So emotional interpretation is really the precursor before self-awareness. What do I mean by that? When you think about approaching somebody and you're going to give them constructive feedback, what essentially happens is we react, we typically get triggered, our blood pressure might go up a little bit, and I call this RIR. We react. And then, number two, we interpret, then we articulate a response and then last, and hopefully last, we reflect. Very few people reflect on their own. This is the insight to what we need to do as leaders.
Speaker 1:
So let's say I'm going to give someone feedback and I say, jack, you're just really struggling with getting along with your teammates and you've got to cut it out, and et cetera, et cetera. What happens in that moment? Jack's like geez, he's right, it's got to be me. What it really is is he's going to cloud himself. He's going to lack self-awareness because his initial emotional interpretation will go I'm reacting, I'm emotional, I'm interpreting. My interpretation is my boss is attacking me. I'm going to articulate it's not me, it's him. Boy oh boy. I'm not going to take the time to reflect because I've already discounted the feedback.
Speaker 1:
Just saying, jack, I think you have an opportunity to integrate yourself with the rest of the team, and I think about your goal of becoming a future leader and how you doing that successfully, might help you with some of your career aspirations. Now what I'd love to do, jack, is give you some time to think about what I've shared with you, the insights I've shared with you Notice, I didn't use the word feedback, and what I'd love to have you do is come back tomorrow and share with me two things you're going to successfully do. So what I just demonstrated is I reverse engineered it. I started with reflection before the reaction, so again it's called RIR, r-i-a-r react, interpret, articulate, articulate and reflect. Start by facilitating reflection. Time does a wonderful thing for people. Most people don't do it. Let me know if this is helpful.