Navigating the 'Coaching Teeter Totter': Balancing Manager's Expectations and Employee's Aspirations

What if your manager's offer of promotion isn't what you want or need? What happens when a well-intentioned company decision doesn't align with your intrinsic motivators? This is what we unpack in our discussion of the 'coaching teeter totter.' We examine the balance between a manager's expectations and an employee's aspirations using a real-life example of a high-performing graphic designer who dreaded promotion. We shed light on coaching models that can help leaders understand the essence of their team members' motivations and the importance of aligning them with their job roles.

As we further explore the 'coaching teeter totter,' we share strategies to maintain a healthy balance. By tying an employee's motivators into their current role, a transformation can occur in workplace dynamics. One such example is 'Bob,' an employee looking for a change. We walk you through Bob's journey from monotony to re-igniting his passion for work, underscoring the magic that happens when leaders take responsibility to understand and support their team's aspirations. So, join us, and discover the delicate art of navigating the 'coaching teeter totter.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:37

The coaching teeter totter. What is the coaching teeter totter? Now? When you think as a kid, a teeter totter was fun, right, because you went up, you went down, you did it with a friend, and when you think about coaching, it's really between two people. Now the teeter totter represents a lot of things and I often think about it in the concept of work-life balance. You know, anytime somebody says to me well, I'm really trying to achieve work-life balance, I said, well, what does that exactly look like? Do you know? I've never had anyone answer that question. Here's what's funny about it. There's never a perfect balance, right? Because change happens, situations occur, people in their lives come and go, and so when you think about the coaching teeter totter, there are two things really at play. I'm the boss, I'm coaching somebody, I have expectations, there are job expectations. So when you think about the teeter totter, you know the job has requirements. Now here's the thing that creates the other part of the teeter totter, the other side, the employee who's doing that job, the person I'm managing or coaching. They have their own aspirations.

Speaker 1: 1:51

So I think one of the best examples of a teeter totter and I've told this story so many times is a friend of mine who's a graphic designer. She worked it does work for an agency and she does graphic design for her clients. Now, if you were to meet her, she's an introvert, she's fun, but it takes a lot for her to socialize. So the thought of sitting in team meetings or collaborating with others is just not her thing. So the company got wind at or thought that this person my friend was thinking about leaving the company and they really valued her. So this is all really good stuff.

Speaker 1: 2:32

This is where the teeter totter got out of whack. So they came to her and said we'd like to make you the manager. You know they're going to give her a promotion. Now my friend, who is the highest billable graphic designer on the team, was shocked by this. She came to me and she said I got to find a new job. And I said why do you have to find a new job? And she tells me I said wait, wait, wait a minute. This is not a bad thing, this is a good thing. They value you. She said I do not want to manage people. Here's the funny thing Her motivator was already being experienced. She was intrinsically motivated, and so her motivation was creativity, thinking on her own, reflecting, coming up with new designs. She was unbelievably, and still is, very passionate about that. People management was not even on her top 10 list.

Speaker 1: 3:29

So the company, while making a really nice gesture with great intentions, clearly demonstrated they did not understand my friend's motive. So the teeter totter was out of whack. So what the company did is they pushed down and all of a sudden, this other side of the teeter totter, where my friend sat, went all the way to the bottom. She was demoralized. Now, through some good conversation, I helped to re-energize her for the fact that this was not a bad thing. Their intentions were very, very good.

Speaker 1: 4:03

So the coaching teeter totter is what do I need to expect as a leader and how do I also create a joint effort, a joint value, an equal effort, if you will, for what the employee wants? So again, when you think about managing people, we have to manage people, we have to drive people, we have to get them to perform in their specific jobs. Yet those people often will do what have different motives. I often think about motivation, as what does somebody want to do? Can they describe their next step? Very few people can until they're prompted. Now, in the last week since doing this podcast episode. I have led some sessions on career-based coaching, on whiteboard coaching, goal-based coaching, which are two methods that we help people uncover their motivators, and we did it with large groups of employees at three different companies and we got really nice reviews from employees saying, wow, I'm doing a lot more than I thought. And what it did, is it actualized, that you know what they're doing a lot, and they felt more motivated. Never even met the people. I did it virtually. So the teeter totter is what do I expect and what do they want? It will never, ever come to a line like the equator. It will never come to a horizontal line on the teeter totter and stop where it is perfectly balanced.

Speaker 1: 5:39

Because often what happens when people take a job years later, they get bored. They're doing the same thing over and over. They may want something different, they may not know how to ask, they may not even know what that next step is. See, we have a responsibility as coaches. To do what? To help them uncover their next step, to help them uncover their motivator. And then, when you tie it into their present job, that's where the magic occurs. Let me demonstrate. So let's say I'm coaching Bob and Bob and I'll make it easy wants to become a future leader. He's getting bored. He's been doing the same job for years and he, you know, tends to walk into the office almost begrudgingly slower paced.

Speaker 1: 6:21

And I sit down with Bob and I say Bob, I want you to think about something you expressed to me, that you want to go into management. You're looking for a change. And I think about no-transcript you right now and what you need to do to show somebody on the executive team, for example, that this guy's ready for a change. A what do you think you're showing now? And B what do you think you'd need to show? I actually just had this same conversation.

Speaker 1: 6:51

His name wasn't Bob and the person goes yeah, I know I don't look very energetic lately. They immediately knew See, here's the funny thing about people they know and he goes yeah, I know I've been kind of lackluster and I said well, think about what you want and think about what you're currently doing right now and not but, and how that might serve you. Well, when I go to the executive team and I want to fight for you, so what do you think that needs to show or reveal to them? He immediately says higher energy, walking with purpose, being energetic, being helpful to my teammates. And I said do you know what's really funny? That is your history. Yet don't let history get undermined by your recent history. And he said, oh wow, I said I get it. You got a little bit of you know, little bit of a pep out of your step. I get it. People don't remember history as well as what they remember what you've done for them lately.

Speaker 1: 7:54

So, thinking about that, what are the three things you need to do to really elevate your game Within the next two, three weeks? People are like, wow, what's what's happened to Bob? Bob's in a great mood. Bob's mood never changed. Bob just got a little lackluster with his job. His teeter totter was out of whack. His boss was really getting frustrated with him. His boss never had the conversation about his motivator. So remember, the teeter totter never comes to a perfect balance. So, leaders, it's what we expect from the job. Yet we also have a responsibility of helping them uncover their motivator to get where they want to go. That's the coaching teeter totter.