Reversing Emotional Reactions for Stronger Relationships and Better Conflict

Ever wondered why conflicts escalate so quickly? Or why a simple misunderstanding can lead to tension and arguments? Join us in our latest episode where we unpack the concept of RIAR—React, Interpret, Articulate, Reflect—and reveal how our emotional reactions often lead us astray. You’ll uncover practical strategies to flip this sequence on its head, starting with reflection to foster better understanding and communication. We share engaging anecdotes to illustrate how reacting impulsively, interpreting through biased lenses, and hastily articulating our feelings can create unnecessary conflict.

Discover how reversing RIAR can transform your interactions, whether in personal relationships or professional settings. Imagine a scenario where, instead of reacting impulsively, you pause, breathe, and seek clarification. This episode dives deep into how reflection can enhance self-awareness, calm heated situations, and ultimately lead to more meaningful and productive conversations. Listen in for actionable insights that promise to improve your emotional intelligence and communication skills dramatically.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:37

So why does conflict occur? You know, we do not want to become robotic, we do not want to lose emotions. Yet those emotions that we have as human beings can really disrupt and I mean really disrupt our thought process. So let me introduce you to a concept called RIAR, r-i-a-r R we react, I, we interpret A, we react. I, we interpret A, we articulate. And hopefully, the last R, the second R, we reflect.

Speaker 1: 1:13

Very few people get to reflection. So in the other episode I talked about someone talking over me in a meeting. And when I react, I'm emotional, I'm upset that Bob interrupted me. He talked over me. It doesn't feel good, it doesn't calm us down, it gets our blood pressure up right. Then when we interpret well, bob just likes to hear himself talk. Now we put our own spin on it. Bob attacked me and then after the meeting, I'm going to go tell three other leaders did you see what Bob did to me? And that's the A of articulation. I never even get close to reflection.

Speaker 1: 1:51

And see, when we reverse Ryer and start with reflection before we react, we're in a better place. See, I believe Ryer is a syndrome. I think it is what locks the door of walking through what we call the self-awareness door. Most people 85% significantly lack self-awareness. Think about that. So when we're in the heat of the moment, what do we do? We don't calm ourselves down and then we convince ourselves later I wasn't that bad. We start to tell ourselves our own story. So when we react and we interpret, and if that interpretation is based on our emotion, and we articulate and we tell others you'll never back up that truck, you'll never be able to erase that. It's like putting something out on the internet. It's out there forever. Now, if we reverse, ryer, and we reflect.

Speaker 1: 2:43

Going back to the other episode where I suggest you take a deep breath and you ask a clarifying question, not such as give me an example. Rather, could you dive deeper? Could you help me understand? Could you maybe dig in a little bit deeper in terms of what you're articulating to me or what you're sharing with me, and take another deep breath and what we have found. When leaders practice that, when people practice that, all of a sudden there's greater clarification. We've given that person more opportunity to clarify with our clarifying question. It has slowed the conversation down. It has slowed our emotional reaction.