Coaching Conversations in 2024

Unlocking A Positive Workplace Culture: Mastering Approachability and Coachability

• Tim Hagen

Share episode

Send us a text

Unlock the secrets to fostering self-awareness and enhancing your leadership potential. What if the key to becoming a more engaging leader lies within your own willingness to learn and grow? In this episode, we promise a deep dive into the often-overlooked qualities of approachability and coachability in both leadership and personal development. By understanding the gap between perceived and actual self-awareness, you'll discover effective ways to motivate your team amidst the challenge of widespread disengagement. Through compelling statistics and personal anecdotes, we’ll reveal how taking responsibility for personal growth and setting clear goals can transform not only workplace dynamics but also lead to personal fulfillment.

Discover the transformative power of feedback as we share stories of individuals who’ve turned feedback into self-improvement gold. Our conversation unveils a structured approach to feedback—embrace, ask, tell—that cultivates humility and empathy, making you a more enjoyable colleague. Plus, get introduced to the Approachability Coachability Series by ProgressCoachingLeader.com, designed to bolster your leadership with monthly development opportunities. We'll discuss how enhancing your emotional intelligence and listening skills can set you apart as a standout teammate. Ready to transform your approach to leadership and personal growth? Listen in for insights that promise to change the way you work and lead.

Welcome to Coaching Conversations

We have created a NEW and Innovative line of books called Workplace Coaching Books. These books use QR codes with embedded audio and video lessons speaking directly to the reader. Each book comes with assessments and journal based coaching pages where they document what they've learned and what they've applied. In addition each book comes with the self analysis link that prompts them to share what they've learned and what they've put into action leading to greater learner application a

Check out our Approachability & Coachability series, a webinar-based coaching approach that encourages all leaders and their employees to become approachable and coachable through specific, actionable techniques and strategies. This leads to better teamwork for leadership and creates a positive coaching culture within an organization.

Get more info here: https://form.jotform.com/233023396805051

Are you interested in the latest coaching strategy from Tim Hagen? Check out the new Journal-Based Coaching Guide series, where you can improve critical workplace skills by listening to audio lessons via weekly QR codes from Tim Hagen, and journal what you've learned from the lessons. Current topics include emotional intelligence, motivation, accelerating teamwork, mastering self-regulation, and more crucial workplace topics.

Check out how the new Journal-Based Coaching Guide series works and start your leadership development journaling journey today at https://www.WorkplaceCoachingBooks.com.


Speaker 1:

Welcome to a master class in approachability, coachability. Do you know? We spend millions, hundreds of millions of dollars just in the United States on topics such as leadership, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and we put that onus and responsibility on leaders to disseminate, to apply, and we take this very top-down approach and we do the same thing. We provide those services. What I would share with you is I think we have the missing piece. When you think about your school systems, what do we want our kids to do? And currently we're in the process of writing a book, coaching your Kids with the End in Mind. Do we want our kids to be terrible teammates, to undermine their bosses? Do we want our kids to become resistant in the workplace with their bosses down the road? Of course not. Yet here's the funny thing it's exactly what happens. Let me give you some numbers and statistics. 76% of people are at their most motivated state when they're progressing and improving. Now, why do I lead off with that? Almost 8 out of 10 people are at their most motivated state, and this is where leaders can participate. When we call people into the office, the employee's first response is usually in their mind uh-oh, what did I do wrong? And if we reverse that we will keep them engaged. Now here's where some of the numbers go a little bit south or get a little bit tougher. According to Gallup, 71% of people 7.1 out of every 10 are neutral or actively disengaged, meaning they're negative. So think if you become a leader, you take over a team of 10 people. You're already seven people in the hole who are undecided or they're negative, and that makes it tough. Here's the statistic I'd love to share tough. Here's the statistic I'd love to share.

Speaker 1:

Tasha Urich, one of my favorite authors and subject matter experts, has really devoted a large part, if not most, of her career to self-awareness. In her survey, 95% of the people said yep, I'm highly self-aware. When she tested them, only 10% were. So now think about this. Think about 7.1 people being neutral or negative. Then 8.5 out of those same 10 people lack self-awareness. The only way you can improve anything is to look in the mirror and say I need to improve. That's self-awareness. I think it's the major tenant of emotional intelligence. So think about that. Now let's combine that with 42% number 4.2 out of every 10 people, according to McKinsey in Q4 of 2022, yet the numbers have actually been supported with some other research and in some research have even gone higher, meaning 4.2 or 42% of today's employees are actively looking for jobs due to a lack of career conversation and coaching. So you're a leader. You got 4.2 of your 10 people maybe looking for jobs 7.1 who are neutral or negative. 8.5 aren't even looking in the mirror. That makes it really tough.

Speaker 1:

Now, if I lack self-awareness, is that my boss's responsibility or is that my responsibility? I want to start off with a quick story. Recently I was at one of our client sites in person we have a lot of virtual clients as well and this guy was just complaining and complaining and complaining, and this is where we, as leaders, have a wonderful opportunity to become great coaches. Now, anybody who knows me knows that one of the things I'm working on will probably work on until my last day on earth, and that is I talk fast you can probably hear that and sometimes I can rush. And because I'm so adept at coaching, because I've been teaching it and I role play it all the time, sometimes I can go too fast and so I've been working very hard, ironically with a coach slowing down my pace.

Speaker 1:

So I'm in a conversation with a guy who's pretty laid back, but he was complaining and he kept saying well, I feel, I feel, and they and he never once said here's what I'm working on. So I asked him a question. I said I'm going to ask you a question. I said I hear your complaints about the company. I hear your complaints about the company. I hear your complaints about your boss. I hear your complaints kind of where you've ended up in terms of your career.

Speaker 1:

I want to ask you two questions, but you have to answer them honestly and really nice guy, but kind of tough. And so I said no BS, I want to hear your crap. I want absolute honesty. I want to hear your crap. I want absolute honesty. He said oh, you got it. I said will you do me a favor? He said okay, sure. I said take a big deep breath and I mean not out loud, but really tell yourself you're going to be honest. And he does it. And I said no-transcript. What do you want to do specifically? I want to know where you want to go, what you want to do. More of it could be inside your job, so that's an intrinsic coaching question related to motivation, or even outside your job, which is an extrinsic motivation question. That's my first question.

Speaker 1:

The second question I want you to answer with absolute brutal honesty with yourself, and that is are you doing anything outside of work, such as self-learning classes, online tutorials, to pursue your answer to number one? Let's start with number one. And when I prepped him on question number two, I could see his face kind of get drawn and his jaw drop a little bit. I think I knew the answer was nothing. So we get to the first question and he said well, you know, I don't know, I just, you know, it's kind of tough to describe and he's just hemming and hawing. He's really not answering the question. He goes you know, I just feel like sometimes I've been passed over.

Speaker 1:

I said whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up, I didn't ask you what happened. I asked you what do you specifically want to do Now? I'm going to rush to the end of the story, or I shouldn't say rush. I'm going to go to the end of the story. And I said to him I said you know it's interesting because I've asked you what you specifically want. I said do you feel like you've answered me? He said probably not. And we both started laughing. I said okay, that's cool. I said I know these are weird questions. I'm giving him some grace and latitude.

Speaker 1:

And finally he said I've always kind of wondered what it would be like to be a supervisor and lead a team. I said awesome. Now, keep in mind, motivation is not always a promotion. And I said okay, do you have an answer to number two? He said well, I wouldn't even know what to do.

Speaker 1:

I said I'm going to ask you again Number two are you doing anything to train, to prep, to self-educate yourself on becoming a supervisor and developing a team for the first time, yes or no? Well, I just I said stop, yes or no. And he said no. I said fantastic, and I could see his face get drawn. I said so I'm going to go back to your first answer. Have you sat down with your boss and share this? He said well, I don't know if I could trust. I said you keep giving me narrations and what I was doing everybody is.

Speaker 1:

I was breaking him down Because what happens is if 85% going back to our numbers of people lack self-awareness, we start to tell each other the story Well, I didn't get the promotion because life's unfair. My boss has it out for me. Oh, by the way, you sports, my kid's not playing because the coach doesn't like him or her. I think it's unfair, everything's unfair. Get over it. And so finally, I looked at him and I said I want you to hear something and I don't want you to respond for 45 seconds. He said okay. I said no, I'm not kidding because you're going to get pissed off and I'm using language like this. He said what's that? I go, you cannot answer a freaking question clearly or concisely. I'm wondering if that's why you're in the position you're in right now, which is in a bad position. I'm wondering why people haven't come to you and said you should be a supervisor Just because you want it. I'm wondering if you're also not exhibiting supervisor attributes of great leadership, teamwork, positive attitude, mentality.

Speaker 1:

Shows up with a book in his hand. Here's a book I'm reading. I'm also taking a course at the local community college. That's not occurred to you, has it? That hasn't happened. Someone hasn't come up to you, so don't say anything, just wait 45 seconds.

Speaker 1:

And the reason I was doing that is I was trying to use some reflective coaching to maintain a sense of calmness. He looks at me after 45 seconds. He said no, I haven't. I said okay, cool, do you get? You're at the starting gate. He said I do. I said do you get that? You have a wonderful opportunity to turn things around. He said I do. I said do you know? When you start to turn things, people turn. You know things around. People are going to look at you funny, like what's gotten into him, and then you're going to have cynics. He said yeah, I would imagine that is going to happen. I said that's why you got to educate on the outside.

Speaker 1:

Being a supervisor, being a leader of a team, is fantastic, but it comes with a bucket of crap. Yet I think you can handle it and I want to participate with you. Are you cool with that? He said absolutely. I said great, I'll meet you here tomorrow at eight o'clock. He said great.

Speaker 1:

So I stopped by the company and it's not far from where I live and I dropped off a book by John Maxwell I think it's 10 Inrefutable Laws of Leadership. I said I want you to read this. And then I got you a second book, my Iceberg is Melting, by John Cotter, which is a fable about a penguin community where the iceberg is melting. And he said okay. And I said I want you to read this and I want you to think about how you would handle that iceberg. What penguin are you? Because they all have character names. And then I want you to think about, of the laws by John Maxwell, which one stood out to you the most. And what I was really doing is getting him to think critically.

Speaker 1:

And I said now I'm going to ask you to do a third thing, and if you miss a week, I'm not going to work with you anymore. And here's the good news it only takes you two minutes. He said oh great, what's that? And this is where we start to implement something called approachability, coachability. The first thing that we typically do with clients is we teach something called eat feedback. We have a whole program that measures it, we track it, we record it, and what I mean by record is they have to journal in this online tool that we create that literally depicts what happened.

Speaker 1:

I said, every week, I'm going to give you a source, boss, peer, peer from another department, family member, friend outside of work, a teammate inside your department and you're going to ask for feedback. You're going to ask them what are two things I do well and not, but, and one thing or one area where you have an opportunity to improve your game and you are going to eat that feedback. He said what does that mean? I said you're going to embrace it when you get the feedback and say, first of all, thank you. The A is you're going to ask what can I do to improve in that area? And then, when you hear that answer, you're going to tell them here's what I'm going to do with your feedback so you can show that you're accountable to the process and you're accountable to their feedback and you're going to put it into action. You know what that'll do.

Speaker 1:

He said what's that? I said you're going to completely change your life and I get this look of dismay. And he said what do you mean? I said 99% of people do not take the time to go ask for feedback and smile. Now you're going to hear feedback that you're not going to like. Oh, and you're going to hear feedback you disagree with. I want you to still eat it.

Speaker 1:

The thing about feedback you always have to remember your reaction will create the next action or lack of action. He said what do you mean? I said if I give you feedback, and you yeah, but yeah, but yeah, but that wasn't me. Yeah, but yeah, but I don't want to give you feedback. It's exhausting. I'd rather just leave you alone, leave you in your present position, never thinking about you as a supervisor helping promote you. And I smiled at him and he smiled back and he said wow. He said that's the power of differentiation. Most people don't do it. You know how. I know that. He said how. He said 85% of people lack self-awareness. I don't need to work on anything. Why would I go ask for feedback? 7.1 are neutral or negative. Nah, I'm just going to be cynical. That 2.9 or that 29%, those people work hard. And he smiled at me. I said so, the numbers are in your favor, even though you haven't really started yet.

Speaker 1:

Read the book, share it with your boss, ask for feedback once a week from one of the five or six resources I just gave you resources and then I want you to journal it and I want you to tell me what you're learning about yourself and you're going to cultivate self-awareness. When you cultivate self-awareness, you're going to craft and develop humility, objectivity, empathy, really good listening skills, because it stinks sometimes to hear things you don't want to hear. Remember the formula what are two strengths I exhibit and what's the area where I have an opportunity to improve. Notice, I did not say constructive feedback. And I looked at him and I said get feedback. In your terms, get it before somebody needs to give it to you. It's that simple. So fast forward. We're about four or five weeks later.

Speaker 1:

Somebody at the company comes up and says what's gotten into him? He's easier to work with, he's actually enjoyable. And I went to his boss and I said how's he doing? He goes, he keeps asking me for feedback. It's weird. I said is he reacting okay? And the boss says yeah, he's great. It's just weird. I said you mean like he's investing in himself and he's looking in the mirror and he's cultivating self-awareness. What a weirdo. And we both started laughing. He goes yeah, when you put it like that and go, I hope you're celebrating it. He said you know what? I probably need two more. I'm going to grab them for lunch.

Speaker 1:

You know everybody as dumb and as simple as that story sounds, that is as simple as it gets when it comes to coaching. Yet what we have to do all of us employees, individual contributors, all leader levels is we have to become approachable and coachable. And the way we become approachable is to approach others so they are comfortable approaching us. And when you ask for feedback, you've actually started a coaching process. And when you say thank you and you eat it and you embrace and you ask and you tell, guess what happens? They want to give it to you more. They become your investor.

Speaker 1:

You know, I often think about investments is when somebody comes to you and says I've got this great investment, you know, I've got this duplex we could buy into, and your first reaction is no, no, no, I'm not a risk taker. And they immediately dismiss it. They refute the investment. It's a lot like a parallel to feedback. When we refute the feedback, people don't want to give you feedback again. They want to avoid you. No one will say it, I'll say it. Give you feedback again. They want to avoid you. No one will say it, I'll say it. It's the same thing with investments. If you immediately come up with this reaction to I don't want to hear your full idea. That sounds dumb. They're never going to want to invest in you again or invest with you. It's that simple.

Speaker 1:

So the way we cultivate this is to become approachable and coachable. Ask for feedback, praise others, understand you have blind spots or a lack of self-awareness we all do. And when you ask questions, when you ask questions and you really listen and you don't rebuttal and say yeah, but well, in that situation and we want to explain it away so we feel better about ourselves it's a load of crap and we all do it. So the way you differentiate yourself is to ask for feedback. Make it easy for people to approach and coach. You, respond favorably and say thank you, even if you disagree with the feedback. Because what you're doing is you're building a revolving door. People will keep walking through that to invest in you. If you yeah, but them guess what's going to happen? You're going to lock that door. They're never going to even touch the door handle. So think about that as you go forward. Think about the things that you have an opportunity to do to raise your game to become approachable and coachable. Now, if this intrigues you, put on the subject line approachable, coachable. Send me an email at tim.

Speaker 1:

At progresscoachingleadercom, we have a whole program called Approachability Coachability Series where every month we do 30-minute segments teaching the facet of approachability and coachability how to eat feedback, how to develop self-awareness, how to understand your own emotional intelligence, how to be a great teammate, how to use active and attentive listening skills to differentiate yourself. All topics around differentiating yourself to become approachable and coachable. Here's the best part. If you're a leader who has employees and you want them to to become approachable and coachable, here's the best part If you're a leader who has employees and you want them to become more approachable, coachable.

Speaker 1:

At the end of every segment we deliver something called a last assessment. Last stands for learn, action, share and tell what did you learn, what actions did you take, what actions are you going to take, share of your successes and challenges and tell us of your commitment going forward. We make sure that the learning lasts. You get a copy of that assessment for every session they attend. So if you're intrigued by this, we'll send you a schedule of our topics in timeframes. Send it to Tim at ProgressCoachingLeadercom. Just put on the subject line Approachability Coachability. Thanks everybody. In timeframes, send it to tim at progresscoachingleadercom. Just put on the subject line approachability coachability. Thanks everybody.