Coaching Conversations in 2025

Transforming Feedback into a Tool for Professional Growth

Tim Hagen

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Welcome to Coaching Conversations

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Speaker 1:

One of the greatest lessons I learned, which was over 40 years ago at IBM, is the value of being in control of feedback. Now let's take a step back and let's hear the word feedback. You hear it. Where does your mind go? Does it go to strength-based or does it go to constructive? Uh-oh, I've got to hear this. Now, in 30-some years, I ask this question all the time, all the time. Now, in 37 years, I ask this question all the time, all the time.

Speaker 1:

When a boss calls you into the office, what's the employee's first response? I've never, ever, had someone respond to that positively. It's always uh-oh. What did I do? I must be in 40 years ago and I had a great boss, great coach, who said to me if you don't like feedback, go get it before they have to give it to you. I'll never forget that. And she said Tim, if you want feedback, go get it, because if you get it early, you'll learn from it. If you get it early, it won't build up in their minds. If you get it early, it won't build up in their minds. If you get it early, guess what happens? You don't ever feel like you're getting constructive feedback. I'll never forget that Now when I say you're in control of feedback.

Speaker 1:

We tend to wait. We tend to wait for someone to give it to us, and then we have this thing called an emotional interpretation. I don't like what I hear, so I'm going to push back. I'm going to come up with a narrative, or I'm going to come up with a story why it's not true, or I'm going to ask for an example so I can rebuttal it away. We are in control of feedback and I often share this with people, and most people don't like to hear this.

Speaker 1:

You know, leaders don't want to give you feedback if you're resistant and how often, you know, as kids or our kids, they'll say oh, mom and dad are just bugging me because we give them feedback. Right, they don't want to hear it, they discount it, they push back because they're emotionally interpreting. They're emotionally interpreting, they're emotionally reacting, and when we're emotional, we typically lose logic and we don't use rational thought process. So, as an employee, I think it is one of the greatest differentiating factors you can possess and that is the opportunity, the absolute opportunity, to differentiate yourself by making it easy for someone to give you feedback. It doesn't mean you're always going to be in agreement. Go get it before they have to give it to you.