The Storm Before Intelligence

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Emotional Interpretation
• 2:52 Emily's Interview Story
• 5:09 Labeling and Context Distortion
• 7:03 The RIAR Concept Explained
• 8:28 Reflecting Before Reacting

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:37

I want to introduce all of you to a new concept called emotional interpretation. Now I think and we teach a course called emotional interpretation the great storm before emotional intelligence. Now, emotional intelligence is around self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, motivation and social skills. Emotional interpretation is in the moment. How do we interpret things? Emotional interpretation is in the moment. How do we interpret things? We don't typically logically interpret things, especially when we hear things we don't like. So let's take feedback for a second. If we have an employee who says something to the gist of you know, my boss attacked me, think about the words that we often use no-transcript, but he did this. Or yeah, but she did this, and we don't simply listen to the other person and it's tough, right, we're all guilty of this. And so emotional interpretation is around the concept of how do I interpret what's being said emotionally? Do I handle it calmly? Do I handle it volatilely? Do I handle it taking things out of context, et cetera. Let me give you another example. When I was working at a local Wisconsin manufacturer, I had a young lady, emily, who I just loved, and I've told this story a million times. She went for an interview. I'll never forget it. She went for an interview for an office job. She was not qualified for it. She had never turned on a computer and so through the interaction she quickly found out she was not going to be getting the job. So a couple of people in the lunchroom came up to her and said oh, how was your interview? She goes oh, it wasn't very good. You know the guy who interviewed me. Just you know it's like he attacked me the whole interview and I sat there and I heard her and I stood behind her and I thought to myself those are really aggressive words for a guy who probably knew you weren't ready for the position, took his time to interview you, that he attacked you, now it seems trite, right. Yet she was talking to three people and what was their impression? What did they think they meant by attacked? And as I walked up behind her, the three ladies kind of notified her. I was standing behind her. She turned around. She goes oh hey, I didn't know you were there and I said so. The guy attacked you Like he got you in a headlock. She starts laughing. She goes no, I just felt it. No, no, no, you just told these three ladies that he attacked you. How did he attack you? Did he give you noogies in the head? She says well, tim, no, but you know, I was just really upset. I said no, no, no, I didn't ask how you felt At this time.

Speaker 1: 4:06

The three ladies quickly dissipated and left the conversation. I said Emily, you just told three people that a man attacked you. She goes well, I just felt. I said I didn't ask how you felt and I kept cutting her off. Not great coaching, but I didn't want her to fulfill the rest of her own narrative. She goes well, he didn't really attack me, I was just upset. I said right, so you're dealing with your emotions, which you transferred to his shoulders. I said by 11 o'clock that is going to get back to him because those three ladies are going to go say something to somebody. I said do you think you were qualified for that job? She said no. I said why did he take his time to interview you? Well, I don't know. I said why don't you go ask him? So she went up to her credit, fended off the rumor mill and said look, I went in the lunchroom. I said some things I shouldn't have. I just wanted you to hear it from me. The guy goes look, I'm really proud of you. I'm proud of you that you went through the interview process. You were clearly not ready for this position, but I really applauded you and I told her, if the door opens itself, walk through it and say would you mentor me? And that's exactly what happened.

Speaker 1: 5:15

Yet where did it start? It was taking something out of context because the emotional interpretation was creating an irrational next set of steps, Telling people that a guy who interviewed her attacked her. It happens every single day in the workplace. My boss never listens to me. Have you ever heard this one? He thinks he's the smartest guy in the room. Have you ever heard somebody announced to a group of people just so everybody knows I'm the smartest one in the room?

Speaker 1: 5:47

We put our own labels on people. We take things out of context. I heard this the other day when someone said oh, that other department, they don't care about us. And I went up to the young lady. I said so when you said that how do you know they all don't care about us? And I went up to the young lady. I said so when you said that how do you know they all don't care about you? She goes well, geez, you're. You're taking this literally. I said yes, I am Cause you just labeled the whole department. Let me go tell the department head that you said that, and then I'll get things cleared up. And I started to walk away and then she got fearful. Then she got worried. So what do we do with emotional interpretation? Fearful, then she got worried. So what do we do with emotional interpretation?

Speaker 1: 6:24

There's a concept that we teach called RIR, r-i-a-r. The first R is react, the second is the I, which we interpret how am I feeling? The A is the we actualize it or we share it with other people and the last R is reflection. The key is to start with reflection and reverse the R's, to take a deep breath and say look, you just gave me some feedback. What other suggestions do you have for me? We have to interrupt that initial emotion. It is not easy. It is not easy. It is not easy. So when we are receiving things we don't like, we have to take a big deep breath. We have to really think through for a second. Am I taking this out of context? Am I receiving this information? Well, and typically, let's be candid we don't. So think about that as you go forward. Think about the things that you can do to make it easy for other people to approach you, coach you, give you feedback that will extend your personal brand.